Men of Melbourne
This is a post about the guys I've met in Melbourne, so do not read if you're not interested in what I think about the boys here.
Oh well........
As a certain Uncle Yap's advice to me was "make sure you disturb all the handsome Australian boys," you wouldn't expect me to be missing out on the action huh?
Oh well..........
Before you jump to crazy conclusions.........
No, I haven't been up to anything naughty.......
And the focus of this piece is on the unpleasant men (actually just 3, but I bet there are more that I'm lucky enough to evade) I've met in Melbourne.
Where do I start?
But before I start, I've got to apologize if you're offended in anyway due to what I'm discussing here. That's just the way I do things. They've got to be open.
Let's begin with the guy-who-holds-girls-too-close-for-comfort. As the name suggests, he's got a habit of going around and hugging girls on the waist and the pulling them close enough to feel his breath. And as if it isn't freaky enough, he tops it with lines like "gets you crazy for me." Needless to say, after I was 'victimised' a couple of times, I adopt an untouchable pose everytime he comes by, just so I would be spared some unpleasant experiences.
If you're wondering how to strike such poses, just think of what poses would prevent u from wrapping your arms around someone and dragging her close, i.e, sit down, stand very close to someone else, walk away -oh wait, walking isn't a pose, but still, uhh, you get my point.
And then there's a bastard who tried to pick up girls while he was (I think, pretending to be) drunk. He kicked off his attempts when he accidentally spills a lot of wine on me, and then says "Now I can use that line," to save his ass.
So being new to adulthood (Oh, by the way, I just turned 21 like a month ago, and I want to thank everyone for that lovely dinner at Evelyn St *hugs* -Read about it on Hsiao Hui's-), I didn't quite know which line he meant and got him to explain.
It was............*drumroll*
"Now I can get that wet pants off you"
And then the conversation continues with him bombarding me with every other pick up line that you would find in the book of "What Not to Say to Women."
And the silly thing was all the way through that, he insisted he wasn't trying to pick me up which is rather hard to believe since he was so intent on trying to get cosy and put his jacket over me and make me lean on him and all that shit.
After a short while, some cuter, more decent, nicer-to-talk-to fellow came back into the circle so I just turned away and ignored that bastard.
So the disenchanted fellow, shifts his attention to another girl, who happens to be my friend.
He freaked her out even more by pecking her and trying to hold her hand and make her sit on his lap.
But of course, nobody was dumb either.
So the night ended with him getting very frustrated and argumentative with me, while my girl friend ignores him and another guy friend trying to distract him from the whole fiasco.
It didn't just end there. He actually told other people very racist things about us just because we didn't want to be picked up.
By the time he apologized, I was too 'dulan' to even talk to him. But the fact is, I still don't believe he was drunk at all.
At this point of time, I would like you to say "WHAT A LOSER"
Melbourne baddie No. 3 is an old man, I would place his age somewhere over 80, but just to be safe, I'd nail the minimum at 70.
Now it would be pretty off colour if I were just bitching about this, but you will soon see what's up with an old man that I would mercilessly slaughter here.
Back to my story.
So I was at Clayton Road waiting for a bus when one of my guy friends went off to check the bus schedule and the other went into a store, leaving me alone a few metres in front of that old man.
I stood there for sometime, unaware, that he actually had something on.
His one hand held onto a cap, just above his crotch and the other was below the cap.
Now that I've put that into perspective, you should be able to guess what he was doing. And I didn't even have to do much guessing, because from a few meters away, I could see what was below the cap.
Thankfully the two boys came along, shielded my eyes for a moment, while I decide to ask one of them to confirm my sighting.
WTF
Then we just moved away.
WTF, right?
Hahahhaa, so that wraps up my story of unpleasant men here.
But don't get me wrong yet.
Most of the ang-moh-langs I met here probably know that we're not used to touchy feely, so they'll refrain from doing hugs anyhow which sometimes results in awkward half-hugs.
Some of them like to give random hugs anyhow. Been encountering a fair share of those what-was-that-hug-for-moments.
But a sincere bear hug always goes a long way =).
jiayeng
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10:09 PM
